Phoenix's Birth Story

According to an estimation from a second trimester ultrasound I was three weeks and three days past my estimated date of delivery. I had been having contractions and cervical changes for weeks. I was halfway dilated, my cervix and baby were in the right position and I was nearly completely effaced. All we could do was wait for Phoenix to be ready to join us earthside.

My doctor, Dr. Harris, was initially uncomfortable with my decision to allow Phoenix to come when he was ready, regardless of how long he had potentially been gestating. This caused some friction in our relationship until Dr. Harris spoke with a midwife and who reassured her about birth occurring in its own time. She even said that she was excited to see a birth unfold naturally! We had a biophysical profile and several non-stress tests done in the weeks leading up to his birth to assure both of us that Phoenix was remaining in my womb safely. He was, and so we waited.

I went into labor on March 22nd, 2011, Lotus’ second birthday. I suspected labor was starting during her birthday party but I kept it to myself. That evening Lotus and I were at my in-laws’ house and I started to *really* suspect that labor was *really* starting. I sent Zach a text message and asked him to come take us home.

Labor seemed to progress pretty quickly. I labored in the bathtub for a while and on my birth ball and I started vocalizing. While I was on my birth ball, Lotus went pee pee in the potty for the first time! After a while I contacted my mom and had her come pick Lotus up for her first overnight visit. After my mom picked up Lotus I called my doula, Madeleine. Initially I thought she’d come to our house for a while before we headed to the hospital but I quickly realized that we needed to get to the hospital sooner rather than later so we decided to meet there.

Madeleine joining me was a turning point in my labor. We met in the parking lot just in time for another contraction. We hugged and swayed while she helped me vocalize effectively and “ride the wave”. She had a calming presence and simply being near her lessened the intensity of my contractions.

The next few hours are blurry to me. I bounced on a birth ball, hugged and swayed with Madeleine, vocalized, and passionately kissed Zach. Kissing Zach and smelling his scent made many of the contractions painless. It didn’t erase all the pain from all the contractions, but it definitely made a huge difference.

The lights were turned off in the room, I wasn’t attached to anything (not even a hep lock), I was wearing my own clothes, and I was free to move about as I pleased. For the most part, no one spoke during a contraction (probably because I would hold my hand up and make it clear that everyone should shut up, heh), and when people did speak they spoke softly. My OB touched me all of once, and it was for a cervical check that I requested.

Transition was rough. I don’t recall much of it but I do know that I said things like “transition stupid” and “take break, again later”. I remember thinking about how speech shuts down as you enter Laborland and wondering if having that thought meant I wasn’t in Laborland yet. In retrospect, I was definitely there.

Eventually Phoenix was ready to be born. I stood by the bed and leaned over the bed. I pushed with my natural urges while Madeleine helped me focus and vocalize effectively. Phoenix would come down some and then go back up, easing himself down and gradually stretching me out. At one point I was so sure that his head was out but apparently it was only the top of his head.

Once his head was born Dr. Harris saw that his cord was around his neck. This is the point where I consider the birth to have ended and everything after this I consider to be after the birth. The labor and birth was beautiful and empowering. I couldn’t have asked for a better birth.

So. His cord was around his neck and when Dr. Harris went to unloop it, it tore. Dr. Harris said, “oh shit!” and then said that he needed to come out NOW. The nurse helped my get on he bed (she was strong!) and I had to get in the position where your knees are practically behind your ears. We got him out and 20+ people rushed into the room to save Phoenix. Madeleine covered me with a blanket so I wasn’t so exposed. Phoenix was white as a sheet from losing so much blood, his heart wasn’t beating and his lungs weren’t breathing.

Dr. Harris had tears in her eyes and she said, “I’m so sorry. I know this isn’t what you wanted”. I was lucky enough to go into shock. My brain was like, “oh hell no, we’re not going through this right now”. I was aware of what what happening but I was so detatched, I wasn’t there, I was nowhere. My *me* shut down and my body and basic awareness stayed on. Poor Zach was fully present and had to experience what was happening. I remember hearing, “1, 2, 3, breathe, 1, 2, 3, breathe”. I had a quick glimpse of Phoenix on the table before he was completely surrounded. After two minutes I heard, “we have a heartbeat!” and he was rushed to the nursery to be intubated. Zach, of course, went with him.

The next while is pretty blurry but I remember shaking and getting really cold. When I birthed Lotus’ placenta it just slithered out and felt so good. Phoenix’s placenta, however, HURT when it came out. That was lame.

We were lucky that circumstances forced us to birth in the hospital. Phoenix wouldn’t have been okay had he been born at home. He wasn’t able to room-in until his second day but by his first night he was able to come to my room to nurse every two hours for one hour (and then he had to go back to some machine in the nursery). A nurse was heard saying that she, “has never seen a baby recover so quickly from a full code”.

I’m not sure how to end this, so I’ll end it with this: He was 10lbs 3oz, born completely naturally, and I didn’t tear. That part rocked.

Reflections on my birth plan:
- We would like to maintain a calm environment. Dimmed lights, calm voices, closed door, etc.
 This was followed to a “t” (whatever that phrase means)

-Please limit the amount of extra personnel in the room. No men except husband.
 Until the very end, this was followed. I labored with only me, Zach, Madeleine, Dr. Harris, and one nurse. Dr. Harris and the nurse stayed out of the way for the most part.

- I will utilize a shower or bath as needed for pain relief throughout labor, provided one is available.
 I tried this but it slowed my labor and was actually uncomfortable, much to my surprise!

- I will use a birth ball to ease back discomfort.
 This rocked!

- My water is not to be artificially ruptured without my expressed consent.
  It broke on its own around 7am.

- I am willing to have intermittent external electronic fetal monitoring (5 minutes per hour). Beeping volume turned down or muted.
 The nurse held a doppler to me wherever I was every now and then. His heart tones were doing fine throughout the whole labor.

- An IV will only be used if there is a real medical need for one in my individual labor. No hep lock.
 No IV and no hep lock - yay!

- I do not want to rate my pain; that is not where my focus should be.
 They never asked :)

- Please do not offer chemical pain relief unless requested.
 No one brought it up :)

- I would like to keep vaginal exams to a minimum (once upon admission and once every four hours).
 I had one at 7cm because I wanted to know how dilated I was (and I thought Dr. Harris might be comforted by the information)

- I will push in a position of my choosing (hands and knees, squatting, etc). No supine or lithotomy. I would also like to push with my body’s natural urges, and without being shouted at to “PUSH! PUSH! PUSH!”. In addition, I am not interested in adhering to a time limit for pushing.
 This was perfect :)


- We would like to leave the umbilical cord intact until it stops pulsating.
 Ugh.

- I would like our baby placed on my chest with skin-to-skin contact immediately after the birth.
 Ugh.

- I would like to allow 30 minutes after the birth of the baby for the placenta to birth on its own before any physical methods of extraction are attempted. Manual cord traction should be a last resort, and please get my expressed consent prior to doing such.
This was followed.

- If mother and baby are fine we would appreciate a few minutes alone immediately after the birth.
:(

- Weighing and measuring of the baby will be done after he has latched on to the breast for the first time.
:(

- Only mother or father are to bathe the baby.
Someone washed his newborn smell off :(

- Baby is not to be circumcised.
 Can I get a “hell yeah”? :)

- Our baby is not to receive any vaccinations/immunizations (including Hep B).
Word.

- No eye ointment or Vitamin K.
I don’t know if he got the eye gunk or not.

- Exclusive breastfeeding on demand - no formula, water, sugar or pacifiers.
They even had a sign on his bassinett that said something like “I’m learning to breastfeed! Please no pacifiers or bottles”

- Baby will remain with mother or father at all times.
Almost. I use to be judgemental about this but then life kicked me in the ass. Zach needed a break and I kept falling asleep in the wheelchair next to him. Phoenix did well sleeping in the bassinet otherwise I would have felt so awful about leaving him. I was alone at night in the hospital and I was so thankful for the nurse’s help. Because Phoenix had such a rough start he wasn’t allowed to be in my room without someone awake to watch for any problems. So for me to sleep, he had to go back to the nursery. I tried to stay awake but I couldn’t.

UPDATE: After talking about Phoenix's birth with several people, I now suspect that he would have been just fine had his cord been left alone. I'm not going to change my original version of this birth story because it represents how I thought for several months and it preserves the experience for me. And although I'll never know for sure, I suspect that if his cord had been left alone it wouldn't have torn off and he would have been born fine and I would have been able to hold him and nurse him as a brand new newborn like I longed to do.