What Molly Thinks

Introducing the Alphabet

2012-01-27T20:50:00.001-06:00

My daughter is almost three and has taken an interest in letters and words. I made an alphabet banner for our living room and we practice the alphabet song regularly. She's got the song almost memorized but it's not knowing the alphabetical order of the letters we're focusing on (the song makes that easy enough). We're working on recognizing letters.

I noticed that Lotus sometimes confuses some groups of letters so I decided to make a book of those letters for her. Here are some of the pages.

Please excuse the image quality - the purpose of the photos is to get the point across, not to be featured on a craft blog or on Etsy.

I need to unplug.

2012-01-14T03:22:00.000-06:00

I don't like who I've become. The computer, the gadgets, have taken over my mind. I can't just sit and be in the moment - I have to check Facebook or play a stupid game or watch a show. I can't sit idle, I can't be in the silence. I can't even take a relaxing bath without reading in the tub! That's not right. Our minds aren't meant to be constantly stimulated by outside sources. It's busywork for my brain, and it's distracting me from life. It's disabling my ability to think and to be comfortable with myself. - just myself, without a computer to entertain me.

This is how I'm starting to feel.

I don't like what I see in our society. I don't like how we've lost our community. If we removed our walls there would be perfect strangers living their lives just a few feet apart yet completely oblivious to each other.

Driving is weird. I sit at a stop light, just a few feet away from strangers coming and going, separated by some metal, taking no notice of each other. We don't even wave! People use to wave.

I feel so disconnected and disassociated anymore. Sometimes it feels like I'm not even a person, like none of us are people. It's like we're mindless drones, rushing about, doing meaningless tasks, plugging our brains in to electronics. Life is passing us by. We're going to look back on our lives and remember our kids growing up so fast while we were watching TV or looking at pictures on Facebook.

Facebook. I love and hate Facebook. It is great for meeting local mama friends, and for connecting with likeminded people across the world. It's great for "finding your tribe" and for learning what's going on everywhere. But, ultimately, my Facebook friends are meaningless in my life. Don't get me wrong, I care a lot about several of them, but for the most part, they are pictures and words that I interact with while my mind is plugged in to a computer. They're not a part of my life, they're a part of my sedentary, distracted mind. I do value the connections I've made on Facebook, but, like I said, it's ultimately meaningless. Also, it's kinda unnatural to keep in contact with people I went to elementary school with but with whom I have not maintained a friendship. People are supposed to come and go in your life, and with Facebook it's like I'm collecting everyone I've ever interacted with. But you know what? People change. The people I went to school with are different people now, and let's be honest - we're only Facebook friends so we can stalk each others photos and compare ourselves. Lame.

I recommend this book.

And it's not just Facebook, it's craigslist, it's my RSS reader, it's my e-mail, it's Netflix, it's all this stupid crap that I keep up with. I subscribe to a blog because I like it, but then it becomes almost a burden having to keep up with it. My RSS reader has over 300 unread posts right now, despite me checking it daily. It's ridiculous. And do I really need to be reading all this? Yes, The Bloggess is freaking hilarious, and yes I like looking at stupid duckface pics, but ultimately it's all meaningless (I keep saying that - "ultimately it's all meaningless" - because it is, it's all meaningless!). Sure, I read craft blogs and birthy blogs, but ya know what? I'm pretty creative on my own and I'm done having kids. I'm enough of a birth nerd to enlighten mamas on the birth industry without keeping up with what all the birth bloggers are up to. If something crazy huge happens in the birth community, I'm positive news of it will trickle down to me.

I watched a documentary on the Amish last night and it was perfect timing for me. They put into words a lot of what I've been feeling lately. They resist technological progress because they don't want it to interfere with their process and their community. And they're so right! The easier things become, the more separated we become. We've lost our community. We no longer need to harvest together or sew together, there are very few real skills that are still being passed along. There's not that community bond between us anymore. We're so isolated. There's a saying about life being about the journey, not the destination, and I think it relates here. Life isn't about microwaving a quick meal, it's about growing, harvesting, and cooking it together. It's about LIVING, not just handing your mind over to gadgets!

So here's what I'm going to do. In my local mama group on Facebook, I'm going to make someone else an admin so they can add people and I'm going to post my phone number so we can still keep in touch. I'm going to set up a bunch of playdates and start being social. (Side note: I'm going to stop worrying about keeping my house spotless for playdates - We have kids and it's obvious that life is happening here. I always have a ton of projects going, and it's totally normal. I think it's healthy for us mamas to see each other's homes in their actual states. Very few of us keep perfectly tidy homes all the time, and seeing other REAL homes that are really being lived in is good for us! It shows us that we're all people and that it's normal to live in a house that looks lived in). I'm going to have Zach change my Facebook password and I'm making a goal of staying off the computer for a whole 31-day month. I've "tried" taking breaks from Facebook before and have failed pretty quickly, but this time I have a real motivation. I WANT to do this. I NEED to do this. I'm going to go out more and try to connect to humanity and nature more. I'm tired of feeling so disconnected. This isn't how life is supposed to be.

I feel like I've been asleep for the past few years, like I've missed out on my early 20's. I'm waking up now, I'm unplugging, and I'm going to go LIVE! It's not just about what I am doing online, but what I'm not doing when I'm online. I feel like my body and brain are slowly decaying while I sit on my increasingly fat ass staring at this bright screen.

Wish me luck! I'm expecting to be irritable for the first few days while I adjust to actually thinking again. I plan to fix my sewing machine, to crochet, to finish some of my home improvement projects, to play with my kids more, to visit friends and family more, to go on more walks, to read non-fiction books, and to rediscover the bright, bubbly, friendly, confident, fun person I use to be. And I bet anyone $5 I'll lose some weight during this break from busy, stimulated mindlessness.

My bookmarks

2011-11-26T18:35:00.007-06:00

Some of these categories are pretty empty since I've only recently started to really bookmark things, and there are some categories that I still need to make. But for now, here are my bookmarks.

Ultrasound
Avoid Fetal "Keepsake" Images, Heartbeat Monitors - FDA

Due Dates
42 Weeks and Counting (Loving Overdue Babies) - Gloria Lemay
The Lie of the EDD: Why Your Due Date Isn't When You Think - Yahoo!
Let the Baby Decide: The Case Against Inducing Labor - Mothering
ACOG: Post Dates is Past 42 Weeks - Birth Without Fear

Induction
Problems and Hazards of Induction of Labor - Joy in Birthing

Cytotec
Cytotec Induction and Off-Label Use - Midwifery Today
Cytotec is Bad Stuff - Doula Mama
Cytotec (Misoprostol) Drug Information - Rx List
Drugs Not FDA Approved of Obstetrics - AIMS
Cytotec Induction - Natural Pregnancy Mentor
Midwives and Cytotec: A True Story - Midwifery Today

Birth
Nuchal Cords: The Perfect Scapegoat - Midwife Thinking
(I seriously need to add some links to my Birth folder! I got most of my info from books when I was pregnant so I don't have a lot of links on birth.)

Circumcision - General

If I can only show someone one link to open their mind to questioning circumcision, this is it. (Pics, but not exceptionally graphic)

Hint: It's obvious

2011-11-22T02:53:00.000-06:00

Anyone want to take a guess at what my cause might be?

(Click to enlarge)

Scumbag Doctor

2011-11-09T19:31:00.002-06:00

I was thinking about the "Scumbag Steve" meme tonight and this popped into my mind.

Here's a blank one. I'd love to see what you come up wit! Please link to it in the comments or tag me on Facebook if you're friends with me :)

Our family closet & reading nook

2011-11-05T23:45:00.002-05:00

Family closets are usually used by large families but you don't have to have five or more kids to benefit from a family closet. Heck, you don't even need to have a kid to enjoy the ease of keeping all the clean laundry in one place.

Our family is made up of two parents and two children (and two dogs and a cat). I refuse to carry clean laundry up the stairs and distribute clean clothes to several locations just for them to get dirty and need to be washed again. I can't justify that effort when I don't enjoy it and when there is an easier option.

And so, here's my easier option:

It's not magazine-pretty but I love it!

(Click to enlarge)

The clothes are hanging on a hand rail hung from the ceiling with rope. I added some screws on the ends (perpendicular to the rail) to keep the hangers from sliding off.

The basket of coats, jackets, hats and gloves will only be on that chair during the cold seasons. When it warms up they'll go out into the shed (in a tub with a lid) and our swimming stuff will go in that spot.

I always keep a tub easily accessible for outgrown clothes to donate. Tossing clothes into the tub here and there helps keep the clutter down, plus it makes getting ready for a clothing swap much simpler.

I know I need to fix the curtain. I need to hem them and add some more hooks. Like I said, it's not magazine-pretty.

We have a reading nook in the family closet because you have to utilize all the space when your house is 700 square feet.

That's it!

To learn more about family closets, use Google ;)

Hi!

2011-09-20T00:21:00.000-05:00

My blog recently experienced an unusual amount of traffic (which is any traffic, really). In case you like that post and check out the rest of my blog, I wanted to say that I don't update this frequently.

I initially wanted to become a big blogger and get paid for writing but I quickly learned that writing daily content and trying to make my Blogger blog look better just wasn't for me. So I decided to just write when I have something to say.

You're of course welcome to subscribe to this blog - I just don't want anyone to be expecting regular posts from me :)

Wordless Wednesday: Mommy & Me

2011-06-29T09:00:00.000-05:00

My BabyHawk and Lotus' doll carrier that I made

And here's Phoenix at three months old:

Babies Don't Have to be Expensive

2011-06-24T04:49:00.000-05:00

Google image search + MS Paint = this

Magazines and manufactures would have you believe that you need to buy a ton of things to care for your new baby. There is profit to be made with this widely-accepted lie, so of course they push their baby stuff. But babies don't need a lot of things, and they certainly don't need new things (except a carseat, please don't buy a used carseat).

We haven't bought a single new thing for our son. He's our second child but we also didn't buy many new things for our daughter, and you don't have to either. Here's how:

Cloth diaper.

My daughter's fluffy bum

It's no grosser than disposable diapers (it's less gross if you ask me - no chemicals!). The start-up cost can be pricey but there are ways around that. You can use inexpensive new diapers such as prefolds and covers or you could buy used ones (you can sterilize them).

Or you can do what we did: When people asked what we were still needing for our babies we told them, "one-size bumGenius pocket diapers". Our cloth diapering stash is made up entirely of brand new bumGenius diapers and we have spent $0 diapering our two children*. Don't be shy about telling people when they ask. If they ask then they want to contribute to your growing family.

Breastfeed.

Phoenix

There are a gazillion reasons to breastfeed, like your health, your baby's health, bonding, not supporting immoral formula manufacturers, it's convenient, etc., but this post is focused on money so here it is: Breastfeeding is free. No bottles, no formula, no bottle-cleaning brushes, no special dishwasher rack, no extra-roomy diaper bag for lugging around bottles.

If you need to pump milk, that will add some cost, but it doesn't have to be expensive. I bought a pump and three bottles on craigslist for $25 total. Granted, this is an unusually sweet deal, but there are often pumps listed on craigslist for less than what they retail for. If you're registering for a baby shower and are planning to pump, register for a pump and bottles!

Pre-worn clothes.
There are three basic venues for pre-worn clothes: hand-me-downs, consignment/thrift finds, and clothing swaps.

Everyone is familiar with hand-me-downs, right? I think the term "hand-me-down" has some unfairly negative images associated with it. Sure, there are the patched-overalls-from-your-older-brother kind, but there are also the box-full-of-awesomeness-from-your-friend kind. The majority of my children's clothes come from boxes sent from friends and family who have children just a bit older than my kids. The styles might be a year old, but do our toddlers really need to be at the peak of fashion?

A Just Between Friends sale

I personally find it financially dangerous to venture into the children's section of a clothing store. Everything is just so darn cute and I could easily over-spend! So instead, we buy our clothes at large consignment sales (like Just Between Friends). Or rather, we use to buy at consignment sales, before we discovered swaps.

Clothing swaps take the best parts of hand-me-downs and consignment sales: they're free and there's a selection. You take your children's old clothes and exchange them for other children's old clothes. They're typically one-for-one swaps, meaning you get one article of clothing for every article you bring.

Something else I like about clothing swaps is letting my toddler pick out whatever clothes she wants and not having to pay for it. Sure, this can be done at a consignment sale too, but at a swap I don't have to decide if three Elmo shirts are worth spending $3.50 each.

As for new-from-the-store clothes? Well, my kids do have doting grandmothers ;)

My son's first day home

Cosleep.
When I was pregnant with our daughter we bought three things in preparation for parenthood: a ring sling, a washer and dryer for cloth diapers, and a king size bed. The bed was $20 on craigslist and was in excellent condition.

If done safely, sharing you bed with your baby is safe (that's such a *duh* statement, but I think it needs to be said). It's what's natural for our species and it cost nothing.

There's no need to spend money on a crib that may get recalled, or sheets for the crib, or a crib bumper which is recommended against but you'd get anyway cause it's so dang cute, or a crib mobile, or crib toys. If you have a bed then you're ready to go!

Convertible carseat.
Infant carseats might be more convenient in some situations (loading up twins in winter?) but they lower the oxygen levels of babies, are dangerous if put on top of a shopping cart, are cumbersome to carry, can promote detachment and flat head syndrome and are typically just another unnecessary thing to buy**. Once your baby outgrows it you'll need a convertible carseat anyway so why not just start out with one?

Carseats might be the only thing you need to buy new from the store, but that doesn't mean they have to be expensive. If you watch for discounts and promotions and you can save a lot on them. We purchased four decent carseats for $39 each while they were on sale and now we're set on carseats until our kids outgrow them, we wreck, or they expire. And since we bought them new from the store we were able to register that we have them so if they are ever recalled we will be notified. You don't get that with a used seat.

Babywear.
Babywearing replaces the infant carseat and the stroller and benefits more than just your wallet. Babywearing is great for, well, just about every situation. Walking the dogs, sweeping the floor, shopping, taking your older child to the park, writing a blog post... Whenever your baby's need to be held and your need to use your hands happen at the same time, babywearing is there!

Carriers can be bought new, used, for shipping only, and exchanged for other things. There are websites that let you try out different carriers so you can find the one that's right for you (they work like a library with a refundable deposit). Personally, I have two store-bought carriers and three used carriers and would gladly buy used again if I needed another carrier.

Lotus

Amber teething necklace.
Don't look at me like that. I'm not some dirty hippie who listens to whale songs on CD while doing yoga in my zen garden (although I would like to have a zen garden... and do yoga...). I research things and do what is effective, with the least amount of risks, while hopefully being affordable. And Baltic Amber? Well, it works. The Internet can not lie, so ask the Internet and it'll back me up here. I'm kidding, of course, but do ask around and you'll find a lot of positive reviews of this healing natural resin.

Having an Amber teething necklace eliminates the need for a teething relief gel that might get recalled and will need to be replaced when emptied. Since it's worn on your baby you don't have to worry about locating it when you need it. That's a pretty minor reason, but think about having this conversation while holding a baby screaming in pain:

"Where is the baby pain stuff?! It's not in the cabinet!"
"I think it's in the diaper bag."
"Where's the diaper bag?"
"Oh, it's in the van. I forgot to bring it in."
"Ugh!"

Or even worse,
"Where's the baby pain stuff? I can't find it in here!"
"Oh... I forgot to pack it in the diaper bag. It's at home".

That would suck.

It's a one-time cost, with no side-effects, no re-application. It's not a teether which introduces more germs into your baby's mouth and needs to be washed (as if babies need any help mouthing on everything in reach). You can even get them on sale fairly regularly if you keep an eye out for discount codes.

And finally, this one is so minor but I have to mention it because it bugs me. You do not need special nail clippers for babies. You could nibble off your baby's nails or you could use regular, adult-sized clippers. There is no need to buy special tiny ones. Here's a tip: trim your baby or toddler's nails while she's sleeping. It's so much easier that way!

I'm aware that this post probably seems to have an attachment parenting agenda but I promise that's just a coincidence. The truth is, attachment parenting is just cheaper than mainstream parenting. Who profits from breastfeeding? Who spends tons of money advertising for cosleeping ("Hey, don't buy a crib - cosleep!")? Probably no one (I mean, yeah, pump companies do, but that's not the point here).

* Technically we have bought a few packages of disposable diapers, like when I was on bedrest while pregnant with our second child, but that was too wordy of an explanation to put up there and we didn't need to use disposables, I just wanted to.

** Please don't take the carseat bit the wrong way. I know that an infant carseat can be used responsibly and that having one does not mean you're going to put it on top of your shopping cart. This post is about how to save money as a parent and I'm listing what has worked for me. If you're into infant seats that's fine with me, not that you need my approval.

When You Know Better...

2011-06-22T03:53:00.001-05:00

"When you know better you do better."

~ Maya Angelou

Humans: we start out ignorant and naive; we make mistakes. We do stupid, dangerous and scary things. If we're lucky we live through it, learn from it, and help others avoid it.

"From the errors of others, a wise man corrects his own."

~Syrus

Daily Momtra has a post which I love called Activism Isn't About Being Better Than You. Sometimes activists are viewed as being "holier than thou" when we try to spread awareness. That's understandable since we're basically saying, You're doing it wrong; do it how I do it when often our opinion is given without solicitation.The whole point of activism is stopping an injustice or raising awareness so others may avoid repeating our experiences. From warning others of a slippery floor to raising awareness of breast cancer, it is our moral duty to help others learn from our mistakes.

"If a mistake is not a stepping stone, it is a mistake."

~Eli Siegel

A perfect example of what I'm talking about is the story of Joel. His family has suffered greatly from premature forward-facing and are doing what they can to prevent other families from sharing their experience.

Some people are not open to hearing that they're doing something dangerous with their child, but you know what? I'd rather lose a friendship over my activism than see a child lost to a stupid mistake that could easily be prevented.

"The only real mistake is the one from which we learn nothing."

~John Powell

What I find sad is when someone denies that there is a problem and they get defensive at the suggestion of such. Pointing out that your child is riding dangerously is not an attack on you, your parenting, or your intellect. We're not born with an instinctual knowledge of carseat safety and there currently isn't a nation-wide campaign advocating safe carseat usage. I don't think poorly of you for not knowing how to safely use a carseat. We all have to learn somehow. I use to be ignorant of carseat safety too, after all.

Alexander Pope said, "To err is human; to forgive, divine". Forgive yourself for your mistakes. Be grateful that you have learned from those errors. Own it, correct it, and help others avoid making the same mistake.

"A man should never be ashamed to own he has been in the wrong, which is but saying... that he is wiser today than he was yesterday."

~Alexander Pope

To "put my money where my mouth is", here are a couple examples of my past ignorant mistakes. I was lucky to have learned from other's experiences and correct what I had been doing without experiencing any harm firsthand.

The only thing not wrong with this photo is that my daughter was rear-facing. Luckily we didn't get into an accident with her strapped in like that or she would have gone flying. The seat wasn't even installed properly; it wobbled with every bump.

Within a month of taking this photo I had learned about carseat safety, thanks to those "carseat nerds" on the BabyCenter community.

(A visual guide to carseat safety can be found here).

My husband soon learned about carseat safety through me. Now he takes his time adjusting the carseat straps just so when he buckles in our daughter. He loosens the straps, then pulls them tight again and adjusts the position of the chest clip every single time.

Just the other day he mentioned wanting a decal for our van to promote basic carseat safety. He learned that we were doing something unsafe and how he wants to help others avoid our mistake. (I love that man!)

This picture was taken a few days ago in my mother's van.

Now that's better! The carseats are installed so securely that they don't budge even if we try to shake them. The straps pass the "pinch test" and the chest clips are at the chest. Our daughter's chest clip could stand to scoot up a bit, but overall this is pretty good. The only unsafe thing left that I see are the potential projectiles. (If you see anything else, please let me know!)

Another mistake I've corrected is how I use a ring sling. It wasn't horrible before, but how I do it now is safer and more comfortable.

The rings were too low and my daughter was positioned poorly. Thanks to help from online babywearing communities, I slowly improved. I still don't get it consistently right, but I've definitely gotten better.

"Mistakes are the usual bridge between inexperience and wisdom."

~Phyllis Theroux

I'm sure I'll have more realizations and corrections to make in the future. Life is a journey of constant learning and I welcome that.

What are some lessons you've learned and changes you've made? Have you ever helped someone else realize a fault and make a change of their own?

Saturday Quotes

2011-06-18T08:20:00.002-05:00

"How can I ask a baby who has no understanding of life away from my heartbeat, or of temperatures outside of my womb, to whom quiet darkness is new, strange noises are unsettling and being alone is unknown, to get over it and go to sleep" - Author Unknown

"Social reformers are never, ever liked. They are always unpopular because they are always confronting a culture that doesn't want to know more about injustice for which they bear some responsibility." - Gregg Cunningham

“Female circumcision was banned in 1997 WITHOUT religious exception. Freedom of religion ends when you start sexually mutilating ANOTHER person's body. Adults 18 years old are free to mutilate their own genitals to please whatever God they happen to worship. Adults CANNOT, however, mutilate the genitals of a non-consenting minor. That's violent sexual assault and the exact opposite of "Religious Freedom." - Barefoot Intactivist

"On Becoming Babywise, has raised concern among pediatricians because it outlines an infant feeding program that has been associated with failure to thrive, poor weight gain, dehydration, breast milk supply failure, and involuntary early weaning." - Matthew Aney, M.D.

The CUT: Tour

2011-06-15T18:57:00.002-05:00

The CUT: Tour is coming to Lawrence, Kansas on September 9th!

click to enlarge

Cut: Slicing Through the Myths of Circumcision is a documentary film by Eliyahu Ungar-Sargon which examines the subject of male circumcision from a religious, scientific and ethical perspective. Cut uses modern research and interviews of rabbis, philosophers, and scientists to challenge the viewer to confront their biases by asking difficult questions about this long-standing practice.

Each city on the tour has its own group of locals making the arrangements for the showing and I'm proud to say I'm a part of the Lawrence planning group! Unfortunately, the venue that is available for a showing on our day of the tour comes with a price that is a bit higher than we can do alone. We are currently scheming ways to raise enough funds to pay for the space on our own but are also accepting donations. If you'd like to make a donation, this button would be a good button to click:

My Tie Dyed T-Shirt Wedding Dress

2011-06-14T02:25:00.050-05:00

The Christmas before I married my husband, my man gave me Generation T: 108 ways to transform a T-shirt by Megan Nicolay (you can buy the book here). I loved seeing all the different things that could be done with an ordinary T-shirt and my favorite projects are still marked with paper clips.

The last project in the book is its grand finale: Tying the Knot. I loved the idea of a comfortable wedding dress. I loved the idea of a wedding dress that wasn't mass-produced. I loved the idea of my wedding dress being my own creation, made with my own hands.

Not only did it inspire me, but I actually followed through with it! I went to Target, picked up two packages of white Hanes T-shirts and headed over to my now-mother-in-law's house.

My mother-in-law is... what is she? She's a quilter, a seamstress, a goddess with a needle and thread. This woman can seriously make anything, and make it good. I had never made clothes before, so of course I enlisted her help in making my dress.

There were some boring moments and some frustrating moments, but overall this was not a difficult dress to make, especially with the book's instructions and my mother-in-law's guidance. The only setbacks were my own procrastination and poor planning skills.

At 10:00 the night before our wedding, I was finally finished dying the skirt. I aimed every fan in the house at the skirt, made peace with getting married with stained hands (Wear gloves while dying? Pfft!), and went home for the night.

The next day was our wedding, and my dress was fantastic.

Would I do it again? Yes. All of it.

Lawrence, Kansas

2011-06-09T19:29:00.004-05:00

This is a work in progress but I wanted to publish it so that what I have gathered so far can be available.

I often see the question “What are the best places to live for peaceful/natural parents? Which communities are the most supportive?". Rather than typing the same, long, enthusiastic answer every time, I’m going to write about why I love Lawrence, Kansas and just use this link as my answer.

So here, in no particular order, are some reasons Lawrence, Kansas is a great place for a natural mama to live:

Our local craigslist often has quality cloth diapers and baby carriers for sale. Just this week I saw posts selling one-size BumGenius All-in-Ones, One-size Fuzzibunz, Goodmamas, three separate posts for Hotslings, two Mobys, and a Babyhawk. Just this week. There are also always a selection of breast pumps listed on there, and often wooden toys.

Seeing correct babywearing is common. A ring sling here, a Beco there, here a wrap, there a pouch, everywhere an Ergo... I’ve met mamas in stores and in parks, seeing their carriers (or their fluffy-bum’d, amber-wearing babe) as a waving flag saying, “Hey! We have things in common!” Playdates and new friendships have sprouted over such encounters. There is even a local band whose members wear their babies on stage! (I don’t recall their band’s name. If anyone knows, please let me know so I can link to them)

There’s a Lawrence BabyWearers group and the Lawrence Attachment Parenting Discussion group.

I’ve met other babywearers at the dog park even! Speaking of the dog park, (like that segue?) Lawrence has two dog parks. The most popular one is near Clinton Lake and has over 30 acres of fields, woods, paths, and a stream. That’s right, over 30 acres to go hang out with your dog and his buddies without the confines of a leash. There are definitely dog park regulars, and if you go enough you get to know them. I’ve even recognized dog and human duos while walking around town. Our dogs get excited to see each other, recognizing each other as buddies from the dog park.

The other dog park is smaller, I think, but still spacious with woods, fields, and paths. It’s located at the Riverfront Park, and as the name suggests, it runs alongslide the Kansas River. The Riverfront Park also features one of Lawrence’s two disc golf courses, the other course is located at Centennial Park, which is also where the skate park is. Both disc golf courses have 18 holes and though the Riverfront course is smaller, it’s considered to be more challenging because if the wooded area it winds through.

Lawrence is home to several aquatic centers, including a free-admission wading pool for kids aged six and under at the park on Mass Street. The wading pool is open from June 1- August 6 Monday through Friday from 1:30 p.m. to 7 p.m. and 1 p.m. to 6 p.m. on Saturdays. There is also a large indoor public pool at Freestate High School (which I think is open mostly year-round) and a large outdoor public pool on Kentucky Street by the Lawrence Public Library.

The Lawrence Public Library hosts a few different storytimes, all of which are free and require no registration. There’s Books and Babies for 8- to 23-month-olds with a half hour of stories, nursery rhymes, fingerplays and songs, Toddler Storytime for two-year-olds features stories, fingerplays, songs, poems, and followup ideas to take home, Library Storytime is for ages three and up and features stories selected around a weekly theme, and told through different formats, such as books, flannel board, clothesline and Big Books. A simple craft follows, based on the theme. Saturday Storytime in Spanish with puppets and songs is for all ages and is, of course, in Spanish. On Sundays there is the Family Storytime which is a half hours of stories followed by a simple craft.

The Lawrence Conscious Parenting Initiative is a “gathering place where families from all backgrounds can go to learn, share and grow in all aspects of conscious parenting.” Check out their website and their Facebook page. And be sure to check out their classes! They talk about Waldorf Education, vaccines, homeschooling, gay parenting, natural childbirth, attachment parenting, politics and parenting, homeopathy, breastfeeding, doulas, living simply, non-violent communication, circumcision, and more!

La Leche League of Lawrence, Kansas

There will soon be an evening breastfeeding group (or it might already have started, I need to check).

(This is where it becomes apparent that this post is a work in progress...)

Doulas:
Madeleine McLaughlin http://yourbirthdoulacare.com/ (I birthed with her - She was wonderful!!!)
Stephanie Olsen http://www.completedoula.com/

Midwives:
Fran Beier
Brenda Frankenfeld
Suzanne Ryan

Sunflower Outdoor and Bike Shop sells Ergos, the regular and the organic ones
802 Massachusetts Street
(785) 843-5000

The Blue Dandelion sells various carriers and cloth diapers, BabyLegs, and organic clothing
841 Massachusetts Street
(785) 856-8210

Natural foods:
Community Mercantile
http://communitymercantile.com/
(Not just a grocer - there's a whole community there)

The Lawrence Farmers’ Market is well-established and is open on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday in a few different locations

Prairie Moon Waldorf School

Raintree Montessori School

Sunshine Acres Montessori School

Montessori Children's House of Lawrence
1900 University Drive
(785) 843-7577 ‎

Near Lawrence:

Happybottomus
7311 W 91st St
Overland Park, KS 66212
(816) 875-4617

Birth center in Topeka

Also, South Park on Mass Street tends to attract AP/crunchy families. Last time I was there I saw a toddler with a fluffy bum and an amber necklace who was nursing without a cover. Fluffy bums and amber necklaces are common sights there. It's a wonderful park to meet like-minded families!

Lawrence Area Homeschoolers Network

Local music

http://offbeathome.com/2011/06/kansas-punk-apartment

This list is only what I, one person, know. If you have something to add, leave a comment or e-mail me at mollyuncensored@facebook.com.

Handwashing Award - Playtex's First Sipster Sippy Cup

2011-06-09T01:15:00.001-05:00

It's healthy to focus on what you have rather than what you don't have, and in my kitchen I have a sink. I have a sink, some soap, and scrubbers. Oh, and hands. I have hands.

While I'm washing the dishes, I often think, this sucks to wash by hand; it was clearly designed by someone who owns a dishwasher or my hand fits in here perfectly, it should be given an award! So I'm doing that - giving my easy-to-wash dishes awards.

The dish that inspired this idea is the Munchkin Mighty Grip Spill-Proof Cup. I love the look of this cup, and it's BPA-free, but it SUCKS to wash by hand! And I hate that, because I really like how this cup looks. I want to like this cup!

My hand does not fit inside this cup all the way to the bottom. I know there scrubbers made specifically for this situation and that's great, but I don't have one and I don't want one. I don't want to have to buy another product to clean a product. I want one-size-fits-all scrubbers. I'm a bit of a practical minimalist like that. Also, whatever the squishy part at the top is called is a P.I.T.A. to put back on the lid. It has three knobs and notches to fit it back in and you have to keep turning it until you align the right knobs with the right notches. There's no indication as to which to align; you have to use trial and error. In addition to that, the squishy parts aren't interchangeable. The knobs from one squishy part might not line up with a different lid's notches. So after you rotate the squishy part three times and discover that it doesn't go with that lid you have to try it on another lid. And that's a downer for those with dishwashers, too. I don't know why they're not interchangeable or why they even have notches and knobs. It's a cute cup but a poor design, as far as practicality goes.

The first dish that gets my Handwashing Award is the Playtex First Sipster Sippy Cup.

My hands fit in it wonderfully.

...Yeah, that's pretty much it. That's why it gets an award. My hands fit.
(I have small hands, by the way)

This was all so much more exciting in my head.

The only tricky part about the Playtex sippy cup is the valve, but that hardly disqualifies it. If you have a sprayer on your sink like I do, the valve is no big deal.

I was featured on The Guggie Daily

2011-06-07T14:13:00.001-05:00

Guggie Daly is an activist for infants and children and a mama to two babies who tries to provide referenced articles on a variety of topics pertinent to today's parents. Her Facebook page is also seen as a valuable resource of information for many natural mamas. She's been doing a series of confessions, showing a wide range of birth experiences. Today she posted my story of my patient/doctor relationship and how my birth unfolded.

Confessions of a Mama with an Awesome Hospital Experience

©Molly 2011. Molly provides perspective on the experience of birthing with a supportive OB. She shows us a great balance between the patient/doctor relationship and how being informed can drive positive outcomes.

"If you would have told me when I was pregnant with my first child that someday I would have a perfect birth in the big bad hospital, I would have laughed in your face. And then I would have told all my Internet mama friends about you.

But here I am, three years later, and I have done just that. I had a perfect hospital birth, with an OB even!

I didn’t set out to birth in a hospital, or to even interact with an OB. But I learned from my first birth that birthing unassisted isn’t right for me and since we didn’t have funds set aside for a midwife I had to go with what my insurance would provide. And so I reluctantly made my first OB appointment.

My doctor is respectful of informed refusal and consent, even when she disagrees with a patient's choice. That mindset is the base of our good patient/doctor relationship and without it I would be writing a much different story. She never pushed me to have the glucose tolerance test, to have bloodwork (I’m severely needle-phobic), or any other tests. She just said "okay" and moved on. This relationship is a two-way street though, and although I am a paying client she is also a caring person and a part of my birth team so compromises were made on both sides. I allowed non-stress tests after 40 weeks and at 42 weeks I had a biophysical profile done to ease her mind about my son continuing to gestate.

Yes, continuing to gestate. Past 42 weeks. With an OB.

My doctor was initially uncomfortable with my pregnancy going postdates and it created a few waves in our relationship. It caused me a tremendous amount of stress and I felt as though I was going into battle rather than preparing for a peaceful birth. You can imagine how incredibly relieved I was when, at my next appointment, my doctor said that she had consulted with a local midwife about my refusal to induce based only on gestation length. The midwife helped ease my doctor's fears and she actually found herself excited to see how birth goes on its own when no one interferes with the natural process. She was about to go on vacation but kept me as her patient rather than sending me to someone else in her practice. She gave me her cell phone number. She was emotionally invested in me and excited to attend my birth. Leaving her office that day I felt reassured and at peace about her being a part of my son's birth."

Click here to read the rest.

Dr. Hostile Bully, M.D.

2011-06-05T16:27:00.008-05:00

My son’s birth was pretty wonderful, although he had a birth-caused complication that could be neither predicted nor prevented - his cord tore off after his head was born and he lost a lot of blood. I'm hesitant to even call it an accident, because that implies that someone is at fault. I’m just glad we were in the hospital when it happened and that I didn’t have an augmented labor (more on that later).

My son had to spend some time in the nursery while he recovered, and I used that time to sleep after having just birthed my 10lb 3oz son.

So I'm finally sleeping and this inconsiderate doctor comes in without knocking, throws on all the lights and loudly drags a chair over next to me. I’ve had an inconsiderate doctor before but this guy took it to a whole new level. He was hostile and verbally attacked me, a vulnerable new mom who had just given birth, who had just seen her son become a full code, who was finally asleep after hours of labor.

He leaned back in the chair and put his ankle over his knee, trying to sit with authority. He went on and on about how my decision to have intermittent monitoring put my baby in danger and how in “the 1700s childbirth was the riskiest thing a woman could do”. He kept saying that I intentionally put my son in danger with my decisions to have intermittent monitoring and to continue to gestate past my estimated due date, both of which, my doctor was on-board with.

I had intermittent monitoring so that we could monitor while making contractions bearable. This was the responsible thing to do; I could cope with labor without the use of drugs (and the risks that come along with them) and we could still monitor my son’s heart rate. “Researchers at the Federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention in Atlanta said a review of the most significant controlled studies of the effectiveness and safety of electronic fetal monitoring indicated that routine use of the procedure had no measurable effect on death or illness of infants or mothers.”

We monitored while I sat on my birth ball, while I stood, while I swayed, during contractions, during rest, and while I pushed. My son’s heart rate was fine throughout my entire labor and during most of his birth. After his head was born, the cord tore. It was an obvious complication and having a fetal monitor continually strapped to me would not have alerted us to the problem any sooner. My doctor saw the cord rip. I was immediately pulled up onto the bed and put into the knees-behind-the-ears position to push him out ASAP. My son was pooping as he was being rushed to the warming table. He was in distress after he was already born.

Even though continual monitoring would have had absolutely no positive effect on my labor, this doctor insisted that I was negligent for only monitoring intermittently, which has been shown through research to be a safe option, an option that my doctor had no problem with.

He also took issue with me going past my estimated date of delivery, which even when the date of conception is known, is a rough estimate at best. This pregnancy was a surprise and I hadn’t been keeping track of my cycles. My “due date” was estimated from a second trimester ultrasound at a free clinic. At approximately 42 weeks gestation I had a biophysical profile done that gave us the green light to continue gestating. With the stab-in-the-dark “due date” and a favorable biophysical profile, there was no reason to induce. After 42 weeks I came in every couple of days for a non-stress test and at 43 weeks I had my doctor sweep my membranes, “just to see”. I was 4cm dilated and 60-70% effaced, my son was almost in position, but he wasn’t ready to be born just yet. Labor started on its own, at (approximately) 43 weeks, 2 days.

Regardless, he kept saying over and over that my son should have been born earlier. With my son’s weak umbilical cord, I don’t want to think of what could have happened to him had I had strong, fast, Pitocin-induced contractions. If I had an augmented labor like this doctor would have liked, my son would have likely been born still.

There was no reason to induce and an induction very well could have killed my son, yet this doctor insisted that I was negligent for not inducing.

He said that these were “all risky decisions that only a negligent and careless woman would make”. What kind of decent person would say such a hurtful, hateful, and downright inaccurate thing to a new mom, fresh from a birth?! A decent person wouldn’t.

He kept repeating everything and trying to talk to me about "next time". I kept telling him that there won't be a next time because we're only having two kids. He wanted to talk about “next time” anyway, like he somehow had some influence on my future, and as if I’m powerless against preventing a third pregnancy.

While this doctor berated me I told him multiple times that I do not consent to care from him and that I demand a different doctor. Regardless, he kept sitting there pompously repeating what a “careless mother” I am. That’s right - after I had expressed that I do not consent to care from him for myself or my son, he persisted until he was done telling me how awful he thought my birth choices were.

Oh, by the way, this guy’s a pediatrician.

He doesn’t even deliver babies.

Wordless Wednesday: Babes & Pups

2011-06-01T00:00:00.012-05:00

Phoenix at 7 or 8 weeks, puppy at 2 or 3 weeks

Big sisters are so helpful :)

Phoenix's Birth Story

2011-05-04T18:48:00.006-05:00

According to an estimation from a second trimester ultrasound I was three weeks and three days past my estimated date of delivery. I had been having contractions and cervical changes for weeks. I was halfway dilated, my cervix and baby were in the right position and I was nearly completely effaced. All we could do was wait for Phoenix to be ready to join us earthside.

My doctor, Dr. Harris, was initially uncomfortable with my decision to allow Phoenix to come when he was ready, regardless of how long he had potentially been gestating. This caused some friction in our relationship until Dr. Harris spoke with a midwife and who reassured her about birth occurring in its own time. She even said that she was excited to see a birth unfold naturally! We had a biophysical profile and several non-stress tests done in the weeks leading up to his birth to assure both of us that Phoenix was remaining in my womb safely. He was, and so we waited.

I went into labor on March 22nd, 2011, Lotus’ second birthday. I suspected labor was starting during her birthday party but I kept it to myself. That evening Lotus and I were at my in-laws’ house and I started to *really* suspect that labor was *really* starting. I sent Zach a text message and asked him to come take us home.

Labor seemed to progress pretty quickly. I labored in the bathtub for a while and on my birth ball and I started vocalizing. While I was on my birth ball, Lotus went pee pee in the potty for the first time! After a while I contacted my mom and had her come pick Lotus up for her first overnight visit. After my mom picked up Lotus I called my doula, Madeleine. Initially I thought she’d come to our house for a while before we headed to the hospital but I quickly realized that we needed to get to the hospital sooner rather than later so we decided to meet there.

Madeleine joining me was a turning point in my labor. We met in the parking lot just in time for another contraction. We hugged and swayed while she helped me vocalize effectively and “ride the wave”. She had a calming presence and simply being near her lessened the intensity of my contractions.

The next few hours are blurry to me. I bounced on a birth ball, hugged and swayed with Madeleine, vocalized, and passionately kissed Zach. Kissing Zach and smelling his scent made many of the contractions painless. It didn’t erase all the pain from all the contractions, but it definitely made a huge difference.

The lights were turned off in the room, I wasn’t attached to anything (not even a hep lock), I was wearing my own clothes, and I was free to move about as I pleased. For the most part, no one spoke during a contraction (probably because I would hold my hand up and make it clear that everyone should shut up, heh), and when people did speak they spoke softly. My OB touched me all of once, and it was for a cervical check that I requested.

Transition was rough. I don’t recall much of it but I do know that I said things like “transition stupid” and “take break, again later”. I remember thinking about how speech shuts down as you enter Laborland and wondering if having that thought meant I wasn’t in Laborland yet. In retrospect, I was definitely there.

Eventually Phoenix was ready to be born. I stood by the bed and leaned over the bed. I pushed with my natural urges while Madeleine helped me focus and vocalize effectively. Phoenix would come down some and then go back up, easing himself down and gradually stretching me out. At one point I was so sure that his head was out but apparently it was only the top of his head.

Once his head was born Dr. Harris saw that his cord was around his neck. This is the point where I consider the birth to have ended and everything after this I consider to be after the birth. The labor and birth was beautiful and empowering. I couldn’t have asked for a better birth.

So. His cord was around his neck and when Dr. Harris went to unloop it, it tore. Dr. Harris said, “oh shit!” and then said that he needed to come out NOW. The nurse helped my get on he bed (she was strong!) and I had to get in the position where your knees are practically behind your ears. We got him out and 20+ people rushed into the room to save Phoenix. Madeleine covered me with a blanket so I wasn’t so exposed. Phoenix was white as a sheet from losing so much blood, his heart wasn’t beating and his lungs weren’t breathing.

Dr. Harris had tears in her eyes and she said, “I’m so sorry. I know this isn’t what you wanted”. I was lucky enough to go into shock. My brain was like, “oh hell no, we’re not going through this right now”. I was aware of what what happening but I was so detatched, I wasn’t there, I was nowhere. My *me* shut down and my body and basic awareness stayed on. Poor Zach was fully present and had to experience what was happening. I remember hearing, “1, 2, 3, breathe, 1, 2, 3, breathe”. I had a quick glimpse of Phoenix on the table before he was completely surrounded. After two minutes I heard, “we have a heartbeat!” and he was rushed to the nursery to be intubated. Zach, of course, went with him.

The next while is pretty blurry but I remember shaking and getting really cold. When I birthed Lotus’ placenta it just slithered out and felt so good. Phoenix’s placenta, however, HURT when it came out. That was lame.

We were lucky that circumstances forced us to birth in the hospital. Phoenix wouldn’t have been okay had he been born at home. He wasn’t able to room-in until his second day but by his first night he was able to come to my room to nurse every two hours for one hour (and then he had to go back to some machine in the nursery). A nurse was heard saying that she, “has never seen a baby recover so quickly from a full code”.

I’m not sure how to end this, so I’ll end it with this: He was 10lbs 3oz, born completely naturally, and I didn’t tear. That part rocked.

Reflections on my birth plan:
- We would like to maintain a calm environment. Dimmed lights, calm voices, closed door, etc.
This was followed to a “t” (whatever that phrase means)

-Please limit the amount of extra personnel in the room. No men except husband.
Until the very end, this was followed. I labored with only me, Zach, Madeleine, Dr. Harris, and one nurse. Dr. Harris and the nurse stayed out of the way for the most part.

- I will utilize a shower or bath as needed for pain relief throughout labor, provided one is available.
I tried this but it slowed my labor and was actually uncomfortable, much to my surprise!

- I will use a birth ball to ease back discomfort.
This rocked!

- My water is not to be artificially ruptured without my expressed consent.
It broke on its own around 7am.

- I am willing to have intermittent external electronic fetal monitoring (5 minutes per hour). Beeping volume turned down or muted.
The nurse held a doppler to me wherever I was every now and then. His heart tones were doing fine throughout the whole labor.

- An IV will only be used if there is a real medical need for one in my individual labor. No hep lock.
No IV and no hep lock - yay!

- I do not want to rate my pain; that is not where my focus should be.
They never asked :)

- Please do not offer chemical pain relief unless requested.
No one brought it up :)

- I would like to keep vaginal exams to a minimum (once upon admission and once every four hours).
I had one at 7cm because I wanted to know how dilated I was (and I thought Dr. Harris might be comforted by the information)

- I will push in a position of my choosing (hands and knees, squatting, etc). No supine or lithotomy. I would also like to push with my body’s natural urges, and without being shouted at to “PUSH! PUSH! PUSH!”. In addition, I am not interested in adhering to a time limit for pushing.
This was perfect :)

- We would like to leave the umbilical cord intact until it stops pulsating.
Ugh.

- I would like our baby placed on my chest with skin-to-skin contact immediately after the birth.
Ugh.

- I would like to allow 30 minutes after the birth of the baby for the placenta to birth on its own before any physical methods of extraction are attempted. Manual cord traction should be a last resort, and please get my expressed consent prior to doing such.
This was followed.

- If mother and baby are fine we would appreciate a few minutes alone immediately after the birth.
:(

- Weighing and measuring of the baby will be done after he has latched on to the breast for the first time.
:(

- Only mother or father are to bathe the baby.
Someone washed his newborn smell off :(

- Baby is not to be circumcised.
Can I get a “hell yeah”? :)

- Our baby is not to receive any vaccinations/immunizations (including Hep B).
Word.

- No eye ointment or Vitamin K.
I don’t know if he got the eye gunk or not.

- Exclusive breastfeeding on demand - no formula, water, sugar or pacifiers.
They even had a sign on his bassinett that said something like “I’m learning to breastfeed! Please no pacifiers or bottles”

- Baby will remain with mother or father at all times.
Almost. I use to be judgemental about this but then life kicked me in the ass. Zach needed a break and I kept falling asleep in the wheelchair next to him. Phoenix did well sleeping in the bassinet otherwise I would have felt so awful about leaving him. I was alone at night in the hospital and I was so thankful for the nurse’s help. Because Phoenix had such a rough start he wasn’t allowed to be in my room without someone awake to watch for any problems. So for me to sleep, he had to go back to the nursery. I tried to stay awake but I couldn’t.

UPDATE: After talking about Phoenix's birth with several people, I now suspect that he would have been just fine had his cord been left alone. I'm not going to change my original version of this birth story because it represents how I thought for several months and it preserves the experience for me. And although I'll never know for sure, I suspect that if his cord had been left alone it wouldn't have torn off and he would have been born fine and I would have been able to hold him and nurse him as a brand new newborn like I longed to do.

Ask the Amnesiac - Memory retention length

2010-05-12T12:00:00.001-05:00

For how long would you normally remember something?

In general, I give things about a month. After that they'll sound familiar but I won't be able to recall it on my own (like my husband might bring up something we did last month and it'll sound familiar to me but I wouldn't have been able to bring it up without his prompting.)

And you didn't ask, but I'm going to mention that although I lack personal memory I do have random memory (my terms). For example, I can tell myself that the next time I touch the doorknob I need to remember to grab the library books to return. And if I drive somewhere once I'll remember how to get there again years later. I also remember page numbers and rarely use bookmarks. Those certainly aren't extraordinary abilities but they are useful :)

Ask the Amnesiac - Memory loss & personal stories

2010-05-12T11:55:00.002-05:00

You said your brain wiped everything but you tell personal stories. This seems contradictory.

It does seem contradictory, I know. In a nutshell, I remember my account of my experiences. My brain did (and still does) erase my personal experiences (or at least locks them from my conscious mind). I write about my fresh experiences either in a journal, an e-mail, or even as a Facebook status. Writing about my fresh experiences helps make the stories of them stick in my head, and I occasionally go back and read them later. Also, if I tell a story multiple times I'm likely to remember it (the story, not the experience).Any stories of my past that I share are from my journal (or e-mail, or repeated verbal telling, etc), not my memory.

Ask the Amnesiac

2010-05-12T11:52:00.000-05:00

Have a question about my amnesia? Ask me!

Not remembering is normal to me, so thinking of what a remembering person might wonder about amnesia is difficult for me. I don't usually tell people that I don't remember anything so I don't hear other people's reactions. If something comes to mind, tell me! Please feel free to be honest and blunt. You know how sometimes people see a man in a wheelchair and they wonder if his penis works but they wouldn't actually ask him that? I want you to feel free ask me that type of honest, un-PC question if something like that comes into your mind. If I don't want to answer it, I won't. There's no harm in asking though, and don't worry about offending me because you probably won't.

The more I help you understand, the more I understand myself. I put that in italics because it’s important (to me, anyway). I am blogging about my amnesia to help those who know me understand my lack of memory but I am also writing about it to sort it out myself.

The Cause and Treatment of my Amnesia

2010-03-03T00:45:00.003-06:00

The title of this entry is misleading. It really should be "The Suspected Cause and Attempted Treatment of my Amnesia", but that's too wordy for my taste.

"Retrograde" and "anterograde" describe the symptoms of amnesia, not the cause. I don't know what caused my memory loss for certain but we (me, therapist, parents) suspect that the trauma of my brother's death was too much for me to deal with so my brain refused to let me experience it. It's a very strong defense mechanism and my brain went a little overboard with it. Of course, that's just a theory. I doubt we'll ever know for sure what caused the memory loss.

My brother died when he was 11. I was 13. I can say this without emotion because I remember him like I remember the Civil War. My brother is made up of facts, photos, and stories to me. I have no memory of him. He is not familiar to me. Although I've been told that we were very close and managed to avoid sibling rivalry I feel the same about him as I feel about Abraham Lincoln. They were both great guys but I never knew either of them.

Sometimes people with retrograde amnesia are able to recall their lost memories through hypnosis. I tried that but it didn't work with me. I saw a certified hypnotist. I laid down on the couch and closed my eyes. I counted backwards. I mentally approached a staircase. I walked on the stairs. I came to a hallway full of doors. I opened a door. What did I see on the other side of the door? Nothing, because I was still mentally standing in front of the stair case wondering if I was walking up or down the stairs. Details, people. Details.

Of course, if my amnesia is caused by a strong defense mechanism then it's safe to assume that getting stuck on such a meaningless detail is just another mental block that my brain insisted upon to keep me from experiencing whatever it is that it's working so hard to block out. However, if another hypnotist ever wanted to try this with me again I'd be willing to participate, providing that they're descriptive.

There was another attempt at treatment but the details are really blurry to me. I know I was hooked up to a computer and was probably supposed to relax and there was some colorless photo and the deeper I relaxed the more colorful the photo would get, but that's all I can recall about that technique. (This would be a good opportunity to make a really lame amnesia joke but I won't because those aren't funny and I wouldn't be the first person to make that joke.) What I am recalling about that technique isn't a memory, by the way. I'll get into this much more in a later post but what I recalled are facts, not memories.

The few people I've talked to about my memory loss have asked me if I'd had a brain scan. My answer is yes, I have had a brain scan, and no, nothing abnormal was found. (Side note: If you ever get the chance to get a brain scan, do it! It is an incredibly relaxing machine.)

Without insurance I am not likely to get back into therapy, which means that I'm not actively working with anyone to try to start remembering. However, I'm content with not remembering my past. I'm fine with living with the retrograde amnesia. I don't know any different and honestly, if my brain is working so hard to keep something from me then I don't want to know what it is. I would like to be able to form new memories but again, I don't know any different so I'm somewhat okay with the anterograde amnesia (though if given the choice, I'd dump it).

Into to Amnesia

2010-03-03T00:29:00.000-06:00

Amnesia is a condition in which memory is disturbed or lost. It can be caused by physical damage to the brain or it can be psychological. There are a handful of different types of amnesia but I'm only going to touch on two of them: retrograde and anterograde.

People with retrograde amnesia can't recall the memories of their past.

I like what Wikipedia says about retrograde amnesia: a person's pre-existing memories are lost to conscious recollection, beyond an ordinary degree of forgetfulness. It's not a particularly profound quote but I like that it specifies that the memories are lost to conscious recollection and that this is beyond ordinary forgetfulness. This isn't just a case of a blurry childhood - my entire past is gone.

People with anterograde amnesia can't create new memories because their short-term memory doesn't transfer into permanent long-term memory. It's like my brain is the opposite of a hoarder - it throws everything out. My memories of recent experiences will fade within a month, sometimes two months, but they are all lost eventually.

It is possible to have both retrograde and anterograde amnesia at the same time. I do.

I will talk about everything in more detail in later posts.

A Series on Amnesia

2010-03-03T00:26:00.000-06:00

I am going to write a series of posts on amnesia.

My intent in blogging about this kind of memory loss is to work some personal thoughts out through writing and hopefully if there is anyone out there with this kind of memory loss they'll find some comfort or some similarly warm fuzzy feeling from reading what I write. At least they'll know that they're not alone.

Another goal I have in writing about amnesia is to clear up misconceptions about what amnesia is like so that people who don't have it (I call them rememberers) can have a better understanding of what real amnesia is.

Lastly, I haven't told many people about my memory loss. Bringing it up in conversation might be awkward and I don't want the spotlight to be on me, so if I write about it I can just send my family members a link to my blog and they can read about it on their own. Whether they know about it or not, my amnesia effects everybody I know and I'll talk about how it effects them in a later post.

I don't expect a lot of people to read what I write but I hope that those who do will take it well.

Our dogsitter lost our dog on our wedding day.

2010-02-03T04:27:00.001-06:00

Our dogsitter lost our dog on our wedding day.

We got the call during our reception and immediately drove our decorated, "just married" car to the dogsitter's house to begin searching for her. After an unsuccessful afternoon and evening of searching, we went home, completely devastated. We opened our wedding presents as a distraction from the empty void where our dog should have been and without the post-wedding excitement that we should have had.

That night there was a massive thunder storm. We kept thinking of how scared, cold and wet our poor lost girl must be. Every blast of thunder and every flash of lightening made my heart sink more and more. We eventually went to bed with our dog not at our feet.

The next morning we waited by the front door of the humane society drop-off center until it opened. We told the lady at the front desk what our dog looked like and she took us to the kennel room to see a dog that fit our description.

It was her!

She was laying on the cold kennel floor with her tail between her legs. She was so scared in there; her expression was heartbreaking. The lady opened the kennel door for me and I went in, hugged my precious doggie on the dirty kennel floor and cried tears of joy and relief. We were reunited! She covered my face in joyous kisses while my brand new husband filled out the release paperwork. Finally we could go home and enjoy being a family!

She sat in my lap on the drive home, pressing her shaking body firmly against my chest; she was still a little shaken up from her long night, and was relieved to be going home.

The storm had passed and the sun was shining bright. After a warm bath and a few bowls of food that she gulped down like she'd never eaten before, we took her to some of her favorite places and later let her pick out new toys and treats at the pet store.

That night we all snuggled blissfully in bed. When it was time to sleep, our dog took her usual place at the foot of our bed and sighed a content sigh. I turned off the lamp and fell peacefully asleep. Our world had been set right.

*The photos are of when she was a puppy, which is how old she was when she got lost. Her buddy in the photos is Bass (like the instrument, not the fish).

Our Untraditional Wedding

2010-02-03T04:05:00.001-06:00

Written by Mr. My Husband... because he already typed about it and I don't want to!

(I added the images and video though)

Our wedding was beautiful and non-traditional. We met everyone out at Sander's Mound, which is a huge hill with a bench on top that overlooks Clinton Lake. Everyone stayed on top of the hill and Molly and I headed down to the water, far from everyone else. We talked for a little bit and only we know what was said. There was no minister telling us what to say or anyone else around us at all. We stayed down there and enjoyed being away from the chaos of everyone else on top of the hill. We then walked back up the hill and my dad (as requested) announced us man and wife.

At our reception, we showed up and ate ribs and mingled with everyone. It was more of a BBQ than a reception. It was at a friend of Molly's parents house that has a beautiful large yard. There were some tables outside, playground equipment and rope swings for kids to play on, and a barn with more tables, food and a band.

We got one of our favorite bands, AM Syndicate, from Austin, Texas, to come up and play for us. They played a variety of their songs as well as a few Simon & Garfunkel covers (Kathy's Song and the Sparrow), Neutral Milk Hotel's 'Ghost', and The Vaseline's/Nirvanas 'Kiss Molly's Lips'. It was really cool, because they are more than one of our favorite bands, they are friends.

Last September they stayed with us when we lived in an old Bible college church that is pretty much just a big weird house with eight bedrooms, eight baths, and a sanctuary where we would have bands play. We had extra rooms that our other roommates didn't occupy so we would offer them for our favorite bands to stay in while passing through on tour.

They ended up staying with us for about a week since they had shows scheduled in Lawrence and Kansas City. While they were at our house and Molly was either asleep or at work, I sat down with the guitarist/singer and formed a new version of Kiss Molly's Lips, which I had him sing and play on his acoustic guitar one morning during sunrise. I woke her up and told her she had to come see the sunrise. She reluctantly got out of bed and had no idea of what was going on until she got outside and he started singing.

Anyway, everything turned out super laid back and untraditional. We didn't do any of the silly stuff like throwing flowers or garder (whatever they the thing around her leg would have been called), or the cheesy "first dance" where we would have been put out in front of everyone as a spectacle. We were comfortable the whole time and blended in with everyone else. It was definitely the best wedding/reception I have been to, and the best BBQ!

(I edited out the ending because it's a post for another day...)

Wordless Wednesday: New sink!

2010-02-03T02:52:00.001-06:00

Old sink:

Notice the two faucets?
Those are called crappy faucets.
One side is searing hot and the other side is bitter cold.

New sink:

Notice the single faucet?
Water of a comfortable temperature flows through it.

I love it.

I'm going to ask it to be my valentine.

Miss Pediatrician, you are a dumb-dumb

2010-01-22T21:34:00.004-06:00

This was written shortly after my daughter was born.

My husband, daughter and I are peacefully sleeping on our queen-sized air mattress when you burst through the door and announce in a ridiculously loud voice that you have to turn the lights on. Before I can direct you to turn the dim lights on, the sterile fluorescent lights begin to blare harshly on our cozy nest. You then rip my sleeping infant away from her mother with your icy hands and place her in the hard bassinet which she hates being in. Next you begin your rigid exam and declare that my daughter's heart rate is unusually high. It's all I can do to not say "well duh". Instead, I say "well what do you expect to happen when you disturb such a calm environment without reason?" and my husband says "my heart rate just went up too".
-----
Other complaints: You want to check her bilirium level even though our previous pediatrician discontinued checking it because it had gone down enough and will not rise again unless my daughter contracts hepatitis, which I seriously doubt she has done.
You stuck your finger in my daughter's mouth to calm her without using the hand sanitizer when you entered our room. (And she wouldn't have needed to have been calmed - or even awoken - had you gone about things in a more reasonable manner!) When I asked you to take your finger out because you hadn't washed your hands upon entering our room you huffed over to the sink and begrudgingly improved your personal hygiene.

You were my pediatrician when I was growing up, and I never liked how you treated me. You were so dehumanizing; you didn't treat me as a human worthy of a bit of respect. I was a child! How could you treat me like that? You're an idiot if you think I'm going to let you act the same way with my daughter.
-----
Update: The calm nurse that was assisting her later returned to our room. I mentioned that I can't stand that pediatrician and she admitted that she disliked her as well. Score ten million for the calm nurse! (This nurse always knocks before entering, doesn't turn on the lights, speaks in a quiet voice, takes my daughter's vitals wherever my daughter is and lets her continue sleeping if she's asleep. Is that so hard?)

Cute cat story

2010-01-22T21:25:00.001-06:00

I was walking my dogs and we were on the way home when we saw our cat Mouse five doors down from our house. I said hello to her and she merrily trotted over to us. The people at the house were coming out and the looks on their faces were priceless as they saw Mouse rubbing against the dogs and the dogs giving Mouse kisses. Then I asked Mouse if she'd like some food and she trotted behind us all the way home. That cat is so neat!

Wordless Wednesday... because everyone else is doing it

2010-01-20T12:24:00.004-06:00

Lotus playing in the kitchen at nine months old.

I won! Yay for My Silly Monkeys' Mom & Baby Event!

2010-01-18T17:06:00.007-06:00

I discovered blog giveaways a couple of weeks ago and started entering. Today I won my first giveaway!

I won an awesome wetbag from Baby In Mind Creations thanks to My Silly Monkeys! We've been needing another wetbag lately. Now that my daughter is eating solids I'm having to spray off her poopy diapers. Our bathroom is upstairs and our laundry room is downstairs and taking a freshly-sprayed diaper down the stairs kinda sucks. Plus we're upstairs for most of the day and the diapers accumilate. It'll be nice to have a safe spot to put the dirty diapers upstairs and a clean way of transporting them to the washing machine!

Now, enough talking about poop.

Jess of My Silly Monkeys is hosting a Mom & Baby Event all January. The lineup is exciting, but January is half over so get over there and enter the remaining giveaways!!

My Silly Monkeys also has fun games that you can play for a chance to score more entires into the giveaway of your choice, which is something that I haven't seen other blogs do (to be fair, I haven't seen every blog there is).

I like the way her event is organized, too:

Diapers on Sundays
Miscellaneous on Mondays
Baby gear on Tuesdays
Cozy & warm on Wednesdays
Maternity on Thursdays
Breastfeeding on Fridays
Babywearing on Saturdays

How neat is that?!

The other Mom & Baby Event giveaways that I'm entering are:

Serena & Lily Market Sling
I've been wanting a pouch sling lately.

Bummas cloth wipes
I'm goin' for the Wild Ones!

and

$25 to Growing Green Bums
Who wouldn't want that?

It's a bit last minute...

2010-01-17T00:23:00.004-06:00

...but I'd like to win and it's so cute and I really want it so I'm blogging about this giveaway in hopes of gaining another entry to win this beautiful pouch:

And I'm a little confuzed because there aren't a lot of entries in this giveaway and there should be. Is everyone waiting until the very very last second or something?

I have a ring sling that isn't nearly as pretty as this pouch, but I'm getting tired of adjusting it all. the. time. I'd like to be able to just plop my daughter in and go (okay, maybe not plop).

Just say "no" to crotch-danglers.

2009-08-23T22:29:00.014-05:00


I can't take credit for any of the images in this post, and I don't know who made this one. It's a pretty great comparison though!

1. Over-stimulation
When a baby is facing outward he is unable to turn away from stimulus.

According to Dr. Evelin Kirkilionis: "Infants in outward-facing orientations can’t turn away from surrounding stimuli. They can't turn inward toward a parent's body if stimuli become overwhelming. In this position the baby cannot make eye contact with his or her parent to evaluate facial expressions, social cues, and so forth to make assessment of the situation. Only choose a baby carrier that allows your child to face you ... never out. There are too many events going on around your baby. A baby has no way to exclude himself from the environment by turning his head away and towards you. Healthy sleep is difficult for a baby who is facing outward. I am not a supporter of the outward facing method of carrying a child."
From - A Baby Wants To Be Carried by Dr. Eveline Kirkilionis. Dr. Kirkilionis is a human development specialist who has researched babywearing since 1985

2. Poor support for Baby

In carriers like the Baby Bjorn the baby dangles by his crotch which pinches nerves and arteries in the legs and creates pressure points in the spine (and if the baby is male he is putting all his weight on his testicles -- ouch!). Babies should sit in a pocket of fabric made by the carrier and their knees should be inline or above their bum.

Examples of good support
(Beco, Patapum, Ergo)

Examples of bad support
(Baby Bjorn, Snugli)

3. Strain on mother
Forward-facing throws off the mother's center of gravity. The baby is supported by the mother's shoulders which pulls on her back, which is painful and tiring.
However...

If the baby is properly supported, it is okay to have him facing outward for a short period of time. A good front-facing position is the kangaroo carry.

Baby carrier comparison chart
Article by Dr. Evelin Kirkilionis

My favorite baby items

2009-08-16T23:12:00.006-05:00

I saw a blog post about the blogger's favorite baby items and thought I'd make a list too, except, of course, with the baby items that I've found to be invaluable.

#1 Ring Sling
If I could only have one baby item, this would be it. It's great for short trips and is very adjustable. It can be worn in a variety of positions and is great from infancy through toddlerhood. It took me a little while to get the hang of it, but now I'm great at it!

#2 Soft-structured baby carrier
It's great for long outings and doesn't strain my back. My daughter can be worn on my front, back, or hip. The carrier I have also has a sleep hood that I put up when my daughter falls asleep to keep her head from flopping over. I go to the dog park most days and am usually there for two hours, during which my daughter sleeps peacefully on my back. With soft-structured carriers, make sure the baby is supported well (I recommend not getting a Baby Bjorn or a Snugli).

#3 Bumbo seat
This is a neat invention! My daughter loves sitting in this. She sits on the floor and watches me fold the laundry, sits in it to eat when we're out of the house, sits in it on the deck while we watch our dogs play in the yard and sits in it on Grandma's floor and plays with toys. She sits on the table at restarunats and eats baby food while we eat adult food since she's not ready for the restarunant high chairs yet.

#4 One-size pocket diapers
These are a one-time purchase - no need to spend money on diapers every month! I prefer pockets over all-in-ones because they dry faster and you can adjust the absorbancy (more absorbant for nighttime, for instance).

#5 Nursing pillow
I went four months without one and I'll never go back! Sure, you can nurse without a pillow, but it's so much easier and more comfortable with one!

And just for fun...
My 5-month-old daughter's favorite toys are:

Cloth books - great for the car
Mirrors - there's always a funny baby to smile with
Aluminium foil ball (big enough to not be a choaking hazard, but small enough for her to hold)
Plastic bag (supervised!) - makes such an exciting sound
Colorful plastic keys - fun colors, fun sounds, fun to chew on
Colorful fabric with different textures
Dogs, cats, humans

"A healthy baby is all that matters"

2009-08-14T14:03:00.005-05:00

This was written by my friend Elizabeth and is reposted with permission.

"This is not true. Having a healthy baby is extremely important, and having a healthy baby and a healthy mother is the most important thing. That does not mean it is the only important thing. When a mother undergoes a traumatic emergency situation in delivery, with lasting damage to her body (this can happen during vaginal or c-section delivery), that matters. To suggest that it doesn't because the mother got a healthy baby as the end result is another way of saying that the mother does not matter outside of her role as an incubator for said baby. This is a narrative that gets repeated a lot in our culture about motherhood - that once you become a mother your role as independent person either diminishes greatly in importance or altogether ceases to exist. It is a sexist and untrue narrative.
Additionally, telling a woman that her preferences about labor and bodily integrity don't matter sets up a climate ripe for postpartum depression. Mothers struggle enough with the idea of their own needs and wants being subsumed to those of their new baby without anyone telling them that they cannot grieve over a less than ideal birth experience.
I know someone whose husband was mugged and whose face was mutilated on the day of their wedding. If you wouldn't be willing to tell her that "the fact that you came out of it married is the only thing that matters", then I don't think you have any business telling a mother that "a healthy baby is the only thing that matters".
I personally know women who were so traumatized by their birth experiences that they have chosen not to have any more children, or waited many more years to have other children than they would have otherwise. Clearly it mattered a great deal to them, and I don't think its anyone else's place to tell them they are wrong."

Changing my pro-life stance

2009-06-01T16:48:00.004-05:00

My whole life I have been pro-life and anti-abortion. I'm still anti-abortion, but now I'm pro-choice. I'm still not down with abortion, but I finally understand what "the right to choose" means.

What opened my mind about the pro-choice/pro-life debate was the last chapter of Pushed by Jennifer Block, the chapter called Rights. In that chapter, I read about women who were forced against their will into cesarean section by court orders. Officers came and took them to the hospital, their hands and feet were tied to the operating table, and surgeons cut them open against their will. This was done to save the baby. The doctors got a lawyer to represent the unborn baby, based on the idea of fetal rights. Fetal rights are currently not legally recognized, and up until now I thought that was a bad thing. Now I realize that if fetal rights become a legally recognized concept, women's rights go out the door.

I've said before that "as long as abortion is legal, unassisted childbirth is legal" but I didn't realize the extent of what that means. If abortion becomes illegal, then women lose the right to birth naturally, to birth at home, to refuse a cesarean; they lose consent over what happens to their bodies. Making abortion illegal opens the door for basically birth rape. Rape is when someone takes control away from someone else. It is traumatizing, unfair, and wrong. Rape, in the traditional sense is sexual, but in this sense, it is forcing a woman to undergo unwanted surgery and causing severe trauma.

While I still don't like abortion, and doubt I ever will, I understand that abortion needs to remain legal in order for my rights as a pregnant woman to remain.

Pushed by Jennifer Block
Forcing Women to do as They're Told: Maternal vs Fetal Rights