Stop making assumptions about birth!

I met a homebirther the other day and we got to talking about birth as birth nerds often do. We discussed local doctors and midwives, she told me about her home birth and I mentioned that I had an amazing hospital birth.

Stop right there. You understand what I just said, right? I had an amazing hospital birth. I had an amazing birth!

She gave me a disbelieving look that said, "Yeah, right". As if having a great birth experience in a hospital means that I either don't know what a great birth is or that I'm deceiving myself into believing that my hospital birth (which was surely full of horrible interventions) wasn't as horrid as it must have really been.

I kid you not. She actually made this expression.

I quickly began trying to explain that despite the location of my birth, it was, in fact, a wonderful, peaceful experience. And by "wonderful experience", I guess what I really mean is a experience which met the requirements for approval among the natural birth community. Apparently how I felt about my birth wasn't enough to label it as "good".

I get it though, I do. I use to be a bit of an extremist birth nerd, believing that all hospital births were hellish and all home births were heavenly. I really did see it as being that black and white, and of course one answer was right for everyone. But I grew up and life taught me differently. Man I was such a judgmental moron.

No one should have to justify their experience. There isn't a checklist that guarantees a satisfying birth. I have a friend who had a great induction and another friend who had a terrible homebirth. If someone says that they had a great birth, just say "that's great!". It doesn't matter if you approve of their birth choices; your opinion doesn't change how they feel about their experience. And honestly, you just come off as a judgmental know-it-all bitch when you act like your narrow view of birth is the gold standard of assessing birth experiences. So if you don't want to alienate yourself as being the holier-than-thou crunchy birth goddess then I suggest you take my advice and be a bit more understanding of your fellow mamas.


  1. AnonymousJune 26, 2012

    110% - go Molly!

  2. Molly! Where did you go? I just discovered your blog and notice that you haven't posted in a long time. I'm hoping that you just moved to another blog? Get back at me.

    1. Hi! I post only when I have something to say, which isn't all that often. I'm flattered that you like what I have to say though! Thank you!

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